Good Bye Pride Hello Reality

I didn't realize how much pride I really had until now. It took my pride being wounded for me to realize that I am only human. This past Friday I was let go from my job and although I don't agree with their reasonings the fact is the same I have to look for work again.

Getting let go on a Friday gives you a kind of twilight. It numbs you to the reality that awaits you on monday morning. And then comes Sunday night and it starts to seep in to your conscious that “hey, tomorrow your not going to work.” But it only hits you more permanently on Tuesday. Yes Tuesday. Why Tuesday? Because Monday no I’m not going to work but “I’m going to be able to find a job” or there’s the “I’m going to have a little time off and enjoy it and it cant be that bad.” 

Then you wake up Tuesday morning after spending a day relaxing, leisurely applying to jobs that sound cool and interesting.  Not that your not taking it seriously but the sense of urgency isn’t biting your ass. Then its Tuesday.

Tuesday is the day when everything sinks in or the depression sets in. Questions bubble in your head such as: Where did I go wrong? and How could I let this happen? Why didn’t I fight more? Am I a failure? Am I an idiot? It becomes to much to take all the while trying to keep your eye on the prize and looking for work, because if you don’t the bills won’t get paid.

Then there’s Wednesday. I woke up this morning and realized this is not going to happen over night. This is a process and I have to do everything I can but I can’t set my expectations high. Being positive is the best thing to do in this situation. Count your blessings and try and be best. This can and will be worse before they get better. Hope can be stronger than pride. 

Although my pride has been wounded and talking about it has been hard. Accepting reality is inevitable and needs to happen to learn and grow. This process is something that many seem to be going through and may vary from person to person. But we are all human and have the ability to learn grow and adapt. 

Rainbow

Too busy to even shop

I know I haven’t been here to write in a while nor have I had much time to write on my own blog. This with the diet are going alright seeing as I don’t have much time to shop anymore with working 50 hours a week.

I just took a new position at work, I don’t know if I have told you about it or not. My mind is a mess and today has been the first day off that I have actually had a chance to think. So, I am now the store designer at my LaZBoy in Fairlawn Ohio. For those of you who don’t know where Fairlawn is, which I wouldn’t be surprised, it is just outside of Akron, Ohio. 

With taking this new position I realized that I needed to go through my wardrobe and make sure I have outfits that really do say “Interior Designer.” So far so good, but I am making a list of essential items my closet seems to lack. The list isn’t too long yet but I am sure by next September it will be a mile long.

Also while going through my closet I realized a lot of my essentials like spaghetti strapped undershirts are going to fall apart by next September, if not before. Those items are also going on the list. 

I just hope that there aren’t too many things on the list that it negates the whole reason I am doing this in the first place, to save money. It would suck if the money I am saving equaled the amount I would need to spend in September to replace and update my closet. Let hope I save more than that!

It Has Been a Long Year

Over the past year and couple months a lot has happened in my life. Last August I graduated college, moved to Akron and started working at Dillard's. During my time at Dillard's I was searching for a better job with more money and /or possible in my field, interior design.

Along the way I had interviews with furniture stores like Ethan Allen, Arhaus and Value City but I did not have enough sales experience for them despite my training in design. I had an interview and was actually hired by an architect part time, but two days later he called me to let me know he had thought about it and decided he couldn't hire me because of money. He did not want to hire me and then have to let me go a month or two later because he could not afford me anymore.

My last opportunity was when I was offered a job as an administrative assistant at The Ohio College of Massotherapy. I had not had much experience in this position but I thought I could learn, as I consider myself a fast learner. Unfortunately my boss did not. After 30 days he decided to let me go. It came as a big shock to me. I thought I was starting to get a hang of things and that with 60 more day left in my probational period I could be very good at this job. But sadly i didn't get that chance.

So now I have some time on my hands. I have been wanting to work more on my crocheting but I cannot support myself on crocheting alone. I wish I could but this economy does not bode well for starting a business.

It is weird knowing that tomorrow is Monday and I will not be going to work nor will I be working the next day or the day after. I will have more time to get my Christmas presents wrapped and more time to spend with my family. I am thankful that I will have them this season but it is hard with the timing. If he had waited a couple weeks I could have at least started looking for a job when people are hiring. No one seems to be concentrating on hiring right now especially the week of Christmas. So now it is a waiting game until after the Holidays and everything gets back to business as usual.

Well I hope I have not completely ruined your holiday mood, but I needed to get some of this off my chest and blogging is a great way for me to do so.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Holidays and a Happy New Year!

I paid $50 to fill up my car

As many of you may be feeling the pain at the gas pump, I found myself to be as well. Just Saturday on my way home from work I stopped to fill up my gas tank as it was on E and paid $3.99 /gallon. I don't know what to say really. It literally hurts when I have to spend that much to get from here to there.

Luckily I don't have far to drive for work and can stretch my tank out pretty far. My car gets pretty bad gas mileage so we tend to take my boyfriends car when we drive anywhere of great distance. I would take the bus to work but there is no bus stop on my street or near my street. I live in a small township so there are no sidewalks and very few bus stops.

I would ride my bike if it was practical. I have to dress up for work and would work up quite a sweat riding to work. And frankly my bike sucks and I can't afford to buy a new one. (DO NOT go to Toys R US if you plan on actually using the bike you buy. It may be cheap, but it is cheap.)

I wish I could work support myself on my crocheting and photography. Working from home would be ideal! Thats my ultimate goal. I also have a degree in Interior Design and would love to do that as well from home. Unfortunately the economy is not the greatest for design firms and starting one right now is risky business.

If things do get better for me I will pursue these goals more vigorously. Right now is about saving money and surviving. With gas going up to potentially $9 / gallon, things are going to get tough. Its about making it through and being positive.